Often times when a marriage ends, one of the reasons cited is “We fell out of love with one another.” When I hear Believers say this, I always think that there has to be more to it than that! The truth of the matter is that in regular relationships/friendships, we all have expectations (spoken or unspoken) that somehow turn into contractual terms so that if a person does something or doesn’t do something, we treat it as a breach of contract and therefore move to terminate the relationship. Sadly, we take this same type of mentality into marriages without the understanding of what it means to be in covenant with someone, which is what Christ intends for marriages. The marriage covenant is supposed to be symbolic of Christ’s relationship with the church/Believers. And so, in order to understand how we should love our spouses, we have to examine how Christ's relationship with the church and how He demonstrates His love for the church. Oh how I wish that my husband and I had that revelation when we first got married! Somebody really should have told us that our love (the emotion(s) we felt for one another) would only take us through the first couple of years of our marriage (if that)! The human capacity to love is finite! We can only endure so much in our relationships/marriage before we start to disconnect emotionally and then physically. My husband and I both have been there, and done that (and are contemplating writing the book)! But Christ’s love is infinite!
In fact, 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 tells us that: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. The very last part of that excerpt leads me to believe that if many more of us loved our spouses with Christ’s love as opposed to our own love, perhaps we’ll see a decline in divorces and an increase in happily married couples. Now, I don’t say this in a matter of fact tone as if it’s something easy to do! It’s hard…very hard! However, the life of a Believer here in the earth is quite difficult at times! (As I recall, Christ didn’t have a walk in paradise when He was here either!) Nonetheless, loving our spouse as Christ expects us to is necessary for the survival and success of a marriage. Loving our spouses with Christ’s love denotes that we at least try to see him or her the way that Christ sees him or her over and above our own expectations and perceptions of how things are “supposed” to be. This requires sacrifice which Christ demonstrates but few Believers are willing to do (even for the person we’re supposedly committed to spending the rest of our lives with). Moreover, I think that the definition of love provided in 1 Corinthians points to two equally important areas for marriage that are often silent killers of marriage relationships: Trust & Respect. In the absence of (Christ’s) love, trust, and respect within a marriage, the lack of interest in and support for one another’s personal desires; and the feeling of being taken for granted reign supreme, which greatly diminishes the capacity for husbands and wives to work together in navigating the rest of their lives together! In the absence of trust and respect, husbands and wives grow apart instead of growing together!
As I previously mentioned, the marriage covenant operating properly should reflect Christ’s relationship to the church/Believers. When it comes to spending the rest of your life with someone, you have to be able to trust him or her with the totality of your life! Whoa! This means that in every situation or when bad/negative things happen (and they will) throughout your lives together, you’ve got to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your spouse has your back!!! This is no different than our expectation that Christ will be there for us as individuals in the good times, and bad! Secondly, respect closely accompanies trust in that if you don’t respect/value your spouse’s position in your life, it in turn effects your level of confidence/trust in their ability to make decisions that effect the rest of your lives together - or vice versa! Again, this is not that different from the Believer’s respect/reverence for Christ’s position of authority in our lives and our level of faith/trust in His ability to make decisions concerning our lives. Grant it, our spouse is not Christ! However Christ’s relationship to the church is clear and closely parallels the relationship that husbands and wives can have if, and only if, they are able to love one another with Christ’s love. Moreover, I am aware that husbands are instructed to love their wives and wives are expected to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5: 33). The evidence of both love and respect in marriages is clearly important to Christ. In many ways, husbands and wives teach each other about love and respect! Furthermore, in reciprocal relationships, people should learn from one another and treat each other with both love and respect. Ultimately, as Believers, we are all called to be “imitators of God as dearly loved children and live a life of love just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (Ephesians 5:1). So at the end of the day, it’s Christ’s love that has EVERYTHING to do with it!
We welcome your comments/questions! Please post below!
We welcome your comments/questions! Please post below!
